Wine or Water?

Apparently it's true!! Alcohol is better than Water! Here’s the truth behind wine and water.

A glass of wine.

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and those who don't and are always walking around with a bottle of water in their hand – as if to say “Hey! Look I’M Healthy!!”

Ben Franklin said: “In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is freedom and In water there is bacteria”.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli - (E. Coli) - bacteria Found in feces.

In other words, you’d be consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of Shit..

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service!

Butter or Margarine?

This story is from a friendly fly that used to hang around a Margarine factory operated by one of the world’s most popular brands of Margarine.

Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back.

Margarine then was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter. SMART NO?

They then came out with some clever new flavorings....

DO YOU KNOW.. The difference between margarine and butter? Read on to the end...it gets more interesting!

About Butter

Both Butter and Margarine have the same amount of calories.

Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams; compared to 5 grams for margarine.

According to a recent Medical Study by Harvard U, eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% compared to eating the same amount of butter;

Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods;

Butter has many nutritional benefits whereas margarine has less and that only because they are added;

Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance flavors of other foods;

Butter has been around for centuries whereas margarine has been around for less than 100 years.

And now, about Margarine

Very High in Trans fatty acids.

Triples the risk of coronary heart diseases ...

Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol)

Increases the risk of cancers up to five times..

Lowers quality of breast milk

Decreases immune response.

Decreases insulin response.

And here's the most disturbing fact and THE PART THAT’S VERY INTERESTING!

Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC... and shares 27 ingredients with PAINT!

These facts alone were enough even for me a greedy fly to avoid margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance.

DON’T BELIEVE ME?? Open a tub of margarine and leave it open in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will notice a couple of things:

* no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something)

*it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow in.

Why? Because Margarine is nearly plastic. Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?

Share This With Your Friends.....(If you want to butter them up')!

Remember the ancient Chinese Proverb:

When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others.

So pass the BUTTER, Please.

Bank Robbers Eat Deposits

The following tale is from an article that appeared in “The Dublin Times” about a day after an unusual bank robbery.

Four unemployed guys broke into a bank. Once inside, a little after midnight, they started work on disabling the bank’s security systems.

The robbers expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables. However, they were surprised to see many smaller safes throughout the banks vault.

Confused but determined to rob anyway, they cracked open the first safe's combination and to their disappointment only found a small glass bowl of vanilla pudding.

According to recordings from the bank's audio - video tapes, one robber said, “BUGGER! But at least we'll have a bite to eat.”

The robbers then opened up a second safe. It too contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.

They did not find a single pound note, diamonds, gold or even documents. All they found in the safes were little glass bowls of pudding.

Disappointed but still not wanting to admit total defeat, the robbers ate up all the pudding. They then made a quiet exit - each leaving with nothing more than a slightly uncomfortably but full stomach.

The day following the robbery a newspaper headline read:

"IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED”

What a load of CRAP!!!

A Fly breaks the Real European E Coli in Veggies Story...

As a fly, I do what I do and recently visited a vegetable farm in Europe that claims to grow everything organically. Would you believe what I learned?

I learned that because of the growing demand for organically farmed stuff - particularly vegetables, many farms in Europe and elsewhere have been importing CRAP (literally) from Africa.

Furthermore, to lower costs and increase profit margins these greedy farmers have been using cheap labor from north and sub-Saharan Africa. These workers are encouraged to provide fresh crap for the farms - for an extra couple of Euros of course.

It is of course well known that the E. Coli bacteria is quite prevalent in Africa. The Africans resident in Europe however have had access to antibiotics which they probably have used indiscriminately - resulting in an evolved version of the E Coli bacteria.

Apparently human waste can be used as organic fertilizer both in the soil and over the veggies to be absorbed by the leaves...but needs to be allowed time to fully disintegrate so that bacteria can be digested by other insects and bugs like me that feed on the crap The problem seems to have been greed i.e. premature use of all this crap.

In any case, till the issue is discovered, admitted and resolved, I'm advising my human friends (yes I do have some) to stay with cooked veggies (no raw salads) and that’s not a load of CRAP

Beware while eating at restaurants

Just received this sad story about an uncle of a friend in Malaysia. It happened at 8 pm on a Monday in the town of Kuantan in the east coast of Malaysia... but it could have happened anywhere.

The uncle was having dinner with two of his friends. They ordered the steam fish and the waiter/waitress put some liquid gel (not candles) underneath the fish and lit it up to keep the fish warm.

The contraption suddenly exploded and caused my friends uncle severe burns on his ears, face and arm. Fortunately he was wearing glasses (or else he would have been blinded).

The restaurant manager claimed innocence and was not bothered to even to visit the injured customer in hospital.

The injured man's family is now trying to find ways to help the poor guy claim some compensation as he might not be able to work for at least 6 months.

So friends and all you hot pot fans be extra careful when ordering food that’s heated at the table...